looking back...

hmmm... ilang araw na din since my last entry about my "career" life.. hehe... i should say na naging shaky na naman ung "kung anong relationship" meron kame... grabe... i only have my feelings for the person to hold on to... kung di ganun kalaki yun... i would have given up already... sobrang laking challenge lahat to for me ngayun... as in... di ku nga alan kung bakit ganito kalaki pagmamahal ko sa kanya... but the truth is im not searching for any reason kase nga mahal ko tlaga sya and i've always believed that you don't love a person for a reason... and i've watched a series on the tv one time... and i think i've also read it in an article that you know it's "love" when you ask try to ask yourself why and cant give a single reason... reasoning and emotions are like oil and water... they dont mix... =) you dont have to be rational when you;re in love... anyways... goin back to my story... un na nga... mejo malungkot ang mga pangyayari starting saturday... i partied last saturday with my friends but i'd say i really never enjoyed it... not beacause i didnt have fun having my friends around but ony cuz ... we're not ok... haaay...nagtext pa sya na pakasaya ako at sana makakita nako ng iba para wala na syang problema... i was on the verge of letting go then... not because i would have given up but because parang sobrang nahihirapan na sya na nasa tabi nya ako... na andito ako... sobrang sakit nun for me...ut i just let it pass... hinayaan ko na muna... kinabukasan... nag-usap kame nung umaga kase nagtext sya na tawagan ko sya... mejo di pa din kame ok... ewan ko ba... dont know why i always have the tendency na ilagay ang sarili ko sa situation na sobrang nasasaktan nako but i still seem to get up and fight for what i think is right... hay... un bang parang pinaglalaban ko lang ung nararamdaman ko not because that's all i feel but because i think the other person involved also has that feelings for me... kaso lang, masyado syang confused... in the first place, i wouldn't have gone this long kung alam ku naman na walang mangyayari talaga... although im not saying na may mangyayari for sure... what i mean there's a possibility... ayun.. nagkaron na naman kame ng di magandang conversation... and then i kept quiet for several hours after the misunderstanding... kala ko e hanggang dun nalang kame... pero nagtext sya saying namimiss nya ako... and that makes my situation more confusing... para kang nasa isang daan na nagsasanga and you don't know where to go or what road to choose from... so the tendency is just to follow your instincts and what your heart tells you to... for me obviously, it's my heart's choice first... hehe... syempre clouded na yung instinct... and yun... sabi nga namimis nya ako and parang gustu daw nya ung ganun na feeling... tapos nung gabi nagtext sya na matutulog na sya... mejo maaga pa yun... nakauwi ata ako sa bahay non eh 11 na at gising pa sya... sabi nya di daw sya makatulog... namimiss daw talaga nya ako... ewan ko ba... in my heart i am so happy... but in my mind... im really confused... the day after... kahapon un... last text nya saken eh eto...

"Haha...natawa naman ako dun. Mas lalo kitang namiss. Im luvin the feeling. =)"

tapos reply ko sa kanya... masaya ako to know that... pero what if sa sobrang miss nya saken, masanay na sya na di na kame magkasama... haaay... ang reply nya,,

"Haha. Syempre impocble yun. Pero masarap talaga ung feeling.=)"

Ang masasabi ko lang... mahal ko sya... and this friday... one month na kame na exclucive dating ang status... hehe... o di ba? never thought i can do that... most of the relationships if not all of 'em started abruptly... dunno if this one is good or bad... sa palagay mo???

ang hirap ng buhay ng petiks....

kakabadtrip... pangalawa natoh na pagsusulat ko ng parehong entry kase nung ipopost ku na yung una kong ginawa eh bigla na nawala internet connection namin... potah! kainis... i have to start all over again... haaay... anyway... let's go to the topic na... alam nyu ba... ang hirap pag nalagay sa ganitong shift, 1pm-10pm... know why??? kase kelangan bago ka pumasok eh prepared ka na on what you should do for the whole 9hrs of shift... as for me... may routine nako pagkalogin at auto-in ko sa call master("specialized" telephone kung inbound ka.. hehe)... open nako msn to check on msn horoscope... lahat about my sign... pati tarot reading ko for the day... hehehe... di talaga ako believer sa ganon... parang ansaya lang pag nabasa mu na may magandang mangyayari sa araw mo tapos minsan pa eh may mga coincindences.. hehe... wala lang... after nun, chek nako ng yahoo mail ko... see if there are good emails from the group... pag wala... patay kang bata ka.. start na ng problema yun.. kase start nako ng pag-iisip kung ano susunod ko gagawin... hmm.. minsan check din ako nung iba kong email add pero minsan lang yun... swerte ko lang din kase yung isang kashift ko e
"veteran" na sa ganitong shift so she has all the "ammos." for the shift.. hehe... mga internet game sites... sounds... vcds... hahaha... minsan eh nakakadalawng muvi kame sa shift... kase nga sa ganitong shift, sobrang liit ng call volume kase madalaing araw sa US toh... kung may call, madalas emergency lang yun nga lang mejo critical, pero sanayan na din... tapos yun... minsan naman eh gagawa ako ng entry ko dito like now... yun kaseng pinapanuod ni dyan(shiftmate ko na maganda pero kung umasta e malala pa sa bading.. hehe.. pero cool at masya kasama...) eh "whit chicks" e napanuod ko na... ayun... minsan e natutulog kung puyat... kaso kelangan e sensitive ka din kase nga di mo alam kung kelan ka papasukan ng call... pero as ive said, sanayan lang din... hmmm... anu pa ba ginagawa ko sa ganito shift... hmmm... ganun lang buhay namin sa ganito shift... tatawa ka ng tatawa... kase nga sobrang kalog tong kashift ko... hehehe... hmm.. yun lang... kaya kung ako sa inyo, kung sa call center kayu nagwowork o may balak kayu magcall center... wag kayu papalagay sa ganito shift kase mahihirapan kayu... hahaha... hanggang dito nalang muna... sensya na sa walang kwentang entry... wala pako ganang mag-isip ng malalim... hehehe... see you on my next post... =))

lost...

di ko alam where i am now... im lost and im tryin to find my self... although i know where i really am.. i somehow think im nowhere... i try to look for myself and still can find it but ... why do i feel im lost? im sure of where i am now... i'm also sure of where i want to go... the only problem is, im not sure if the place i wanna go and the road i wanna take will let me go to that, let me take that... still i wanna try... still i wanna pursue... to whatever it might cost me... be it pain, tears... be it blood? i dont know... i always say i know what i want, i know where i wanna go... but i think that every single day, it changes... mind changes... but for now... this very moment... im certain... i know where my heart directs and leads me to... and no one can stop me from takin that direction... i'll take that road no matter what... that's as for me anyway...

hmmm....

ang kinuhanan sa picture na toh eh ang plastic cup at ang straw... =)

the truth will set you free...

haay... ang sarap talaga ng feeling pag may secret ka o tinatago ka sa kaibigan mo na nireveal mo sa kanya o sa kanila... lalu na kung malapit sila sayu... nakakgaan ng loob... just like few minutes ago... i bared myself to my shiftmates kase napalapit na din loob ko sa kanila... lam mu yun, para kaseng, puno ng pretensions ang pagsasama kapag may tinatago ka... kaya cnabi ko na sa kanila... kakatuwa naman response nila... parang wala... kaya nga di ako nagsisisi na cnabi ko sa kanila... =)

speaking of truthfulness... sobrang related toh sa honesty... at may tanung lang ako about honesty... heto...

what if meron ka nagawa sa isang tao na malapit sayu... alam mu na pag nalaman ng tao na yun ung ginawa mo eh magagalit sya o magkaron kayu ng gap... would you rather tell that person the truth or be haunted by the lies that you created and pretend na walang nangyari... haaay... kase feeling ko, lalu na kung sa palagay mo e alam na nung kaibigan mo na may di maganda ka ginawa o nakakaamoy na sya na may tinatago ka na di maganda, mas ok na aminin mu na kagad kesa sa iba pa nya malaman o maconfirm... wala ka naman magagawa kase nagwa mo na eh... at least ngaing honest ka... kase para saken, kung ako ung pinagtaguan o pinaglihiman ng kalokohan ma saken ginawa ng kaibigan ko, mas parang di ko kaya makipag-usap sa kanya na parang wlang nangyari although wala ka pa confirmation... ewan ko ba... ang hirap magduda ng walang proof... pero pag pakiramdam mo ang nagsasabi sayu na obvious masyado... parang papakinggan mo pa din dikta ng utak mo... going back... parang mas gugustuhin ko pa na umamin ang mga culprit kesa maghlihim saken... kase kaya ku naman magforgive kagad... wag lang talaga ako lolokohin o gagaguhin... ;-) yun lang! BOW! hehehe...

kayu? would you rather learn of the bad thing done to you by someone who's close to you if you already have suspicions or just forget about it or ignore it as if nothin happened cuz you dont wanna face the truth cuz it will hurt u?

if only i can freeze those two days...

haaaay.... it's the start of my work week again... ung mga nasa school at regular na work e lat day na of the week ngayun, ako e simula pa lang... anyway... oks lang... masaya naman... haaay... gustu ku lang kwento kung anu nangyari the past week's off ko... ung tuesday sa at wednesday e sa friend ko ako natulog... as usual... tsk.. parang di din ako nagrerent... hehe... ayun... nung tuesday e cnamahan namin friend namin sa dentist... sked nya kase pakabit ng brackets for his braces... hehehe... antakaw pa naman nun... sabi ko, mawawala takaw nya... tapos nung gabi, aba, shawarma pa din kame at tinitiis nya talaga ang sakit... kinabukasan, mangiyak-ngiyak na sya sa sakit, sabi namin sa kanya, well.. it reall is difficult to always look good... hehehe... anyway... nung hapon non, bumili ako ng ice cream para kay... secret... ehehe... tapos dinala ku sa condo nila... di na namin kinain... umalis na din kame puntang rob... sobrang enjoy ako nun kase super ok ang mood nya... as in... nag-usap kame ng maayos at nagkaintindihan naman kame... nasabi ko sa kanya lahat ng nasa lob ko including my last blog entry... at kahit di kame nakarating sa isang conclusion, parang nagkaron ng konting liwanag samin pareho... especially sa kanya... tapos kumain na kame sa popeye's kasmaa isa kong friend... super sweet namin.. hehe, walang pakialam sa mundo... tapos yun, kelangan maaga sya umuwi kase maaga klase nya kinabukasan tapos may exam pa sya sa 3 subjects nya... kaya yun... pagbalik ko sa mga friends ko, after ihatid sya... nagtext sya saying na nag-enjoy sya at naliwanagan nga sya... successful daw ako that night(parang qpids... hahahah)... kaya super saya ko non... as in... kinabukasan naman... hay... may di maganda akong karanasan pero di ko sheshare... diku lang alam nararamdaman towards that incident... buti nalang nagtext c S.O... hehe... pinapapunta ako sa condo nya at kakainin daw namin ice crea kasma yung mga friends nya... kukulet ng friends nya pero masaya kasama.... =) tapos naghiwlay kame for mga 2hrs kase may class pa sya... tapos after e nagkita na ulet kame... we then ate mcdo... may inexplain sya saken... mejo mahaba at complicated... nung una eh mejo nahurt na naman ako pero later nung pag-uusap e nagets ko naman sya... di pa sya ready magcommit ngayun... at yun nga, tinananong ku sya kung gustu nya ako magstay pati ung status namin ngayun... sabi nya oo daw... so yun lang, masaya nako... just means na special din ako sa kanya... haaay... after eating, muvi na kame... parang yung moment na yun ang gustu ka talaga ifreeze... kase wala talaga kame pakialam sa mga ibang nanunuod ng muvi... not that we're doing anythin bad or malaswa... super sweet lang namen... lam mu yun, nakaakap sya saken, or yung head ko e nakalean sa ulo nya tapos magkahawak both hands namin... ansaya... i wanted to stop the clock at that moment... kung pwede lang... hehehe... after nun e umuwi na kame sa condo nya... natulog... natulog at natulog... kinabukasan, nagluto sya ng food namin... tapang baboy o baka ata yun tsaka ginisa sa sibuyas na sardinas... saraaap... lalo pa sya nagluto... hehehe... tapos yun... sabay din kame lumabas kase uwi din sya alabang... pero nagpasama muna ako sa rob kase bumili ako mirror at dustpan/broom para sa matchbox... at ayun... dito nagtatapos ang aking entry ngayun... hihiihihi.... =))

torn...

the past 2 days, aside from working and sleeping and other stuff... most of my times were spent to thinking, thinking, and thinking again... i was contemplating so hard if what i'm doing right now is right or should the question be what i'm feeling at the moment is right... sometimes, for me at least, i find it hard to use my mind when my heart has a lotta questions... i still try to solve them by trusting what and how i feel... because for me, if you're heart is in question, or it has a lot of questions, it would really be hard to dig for reasons... to be rational... haaay.. pati tuloy ako nagugulo habang sinusulat ko toh... ang hirap kase iplaiwanag... cuz until now, when youre at that situation or this kind of situation im on now, it seems that you're lost... you're getting nowhere...

being more concrete and more specific, in my situation, it takes a lot of thinking to do... anu bang dapat gawin? tama ba kung eto gagawin mo? ready ka ba sa mga consequences kung eto gagawin mo?... and a lot more ... yan ung mga tanong na papasok sa isip mo... gugulo sa utak mo... kukuwestyon sa nararamdaman mo... mahirap talaga... concrete? specific? indi pa rin eh... teka... eto na talaga...

hmmm... pag may mahal ka... as in ung totoong meaning ng pagmamahal that you will do everything and anything possible para lumigaya lang sya... kahit masakit sayu... un... halimbawa, mahal na mahal mu un tao... kaso di alam nung tao na yun kung mahal ka nya talaga o kung ano totoo nararamdaman nya sayu... di mu alam kung natatakot sya masaktan ka or kung natatakot sya masaktan in the future... kase kung natatakot sya masaktan ako, i think it will be unfair for me kase he's deciding for my future... kase, kung ngayun ako tatanungin, i really don't care kung masaktan nya ako in the future... nasa amin naman yun eh kung sasaktan namin ung isa't isa sa hinaharap di ba? well if it's, otherwise o kung natatakot sya masaktan, i can guarantee that person naman na mamahalin ko sya till i can... or should i say kahit di ko na kaya, susubukan ko pa din kayanin kase nga mahal ko sya...

the options now are: to let go, to wait for a decision, or to wait for yourself to reach your saturation point, ung kumbaga, nailabas mo na lahat ng kaya mo, naibigay mu na lahat ng posibleng bagay pero wala pa din... di ko alam kung ano tamang gawin... o pwede din to suggest or propose an idea... ung parang experimental o test lang... (explain ko later...)

unang option: if i let go... sobrang sakit para saken... as in... kase ngayun, wala na talaga ako "extra curricular".. as in... sa kanya na halos umiikot ang mundo ko... pero kung dun sya magiging masaya. tatanggapin ko... naiisip ko kase minsan, kaya sya mas madalas depressed e kase dumadagdag pako sa mga iniisip nya... hayyy... kakaiyak naman...

2nd option: kung hihintayin ku decision nya... maaring masaktan ako, maari din naman maging masaya... if he wants me to stay to be his friend, masakit yun kase yun lang mai-ooffer nya pero dahil mahal ko sya, iaaccept ko yun... pero sabi nga, feelings are not like open wounds that heals fast(unless may diabetes ka)... kaya until di pako nakakamove on in case that would be the case, di ko pa kaya makita or makasama sya... BUT if the choice iss to risk it all up for the both of us, i'd really be the happiest peron on earth... hehehe... mejo cheesy, but the hell i care... mahal ko sya eh...

3rd option: mahalin ku sya till i can and till i cant... kumbaga, eto ung martir type... mejo tanga talaga pero anu magagawa mo... mahal ko eh...

4th option: magsuggest ng way para maresolve lahat ng problema..
4A (positive approach)-> like going on a trial or experimental relationship for a few weeks or for a month... then if it doesnt work out then siguro it wont really work out for the two of us... but at least we tried di ba?

4B (negative approach)-> yun bang tipong one week trial na walang communication para subukan yung feelings nyo... if ull miss each other like hell... o kung makikipagdate ka sa iba... or kung gagawa ka ng kagaguhan o magmumukmok ka for the whole time na wala kayung communication... parang at the end, malalaman nyu kung anu dapat gawin...

i lay down all the options and now... time na para pumili sa mga option.. as for me, pipiliin ko is the last option kase un ung positive way o approach dun sa prob... kaso yun nga lang... baka sabihin nyu naman saken lang pabor... pero if u will look at it postively, yun talaga eh... i wont try the negative approach... nakaktakot eh, not for me but for the other person.. kase baka magising ka nalang kinabukasan, mas malayo na sya sa sayu... or worse, wala na sya when you wake up...

haaay.. ang sarap magmahal, pero mahirap din.. but i think that's what makes love mysterious... alam mu na na masakit.. gustu mu pa din magtry... because there's always hope that at the end, you'll live happily with your significant other...

comment naman kayu sa entry ko... ok? thanks... God Speed!

Pisces - Your Love Profile Your positive traits: You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring. Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your parnter has ever met. You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with. Your negative traits: You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood. It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should. You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest. Your ideal partner: Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways Your dating style: Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners. Your seduction style: Fearless - you try what your parnter suggests, no matter how unusual. Loving. You'll take your pleasure second, if necessary. Internal. A lot of your enjoyment takes place within your head. Tips for the future: Be more realistic. Your romantic ideal is nice, but it may just not happen. Let go of your fear of rejection - it's holding you back from being with your true love. Open yourself up to a new love. The person you think you want make not be the one.. Best place to meet someone online: Platinum Romance - singles who value love, romance, and caring relationships as much as you do Best color to attract mate: Seafoam green Best day for a date: Friday Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

but wait... there's more... =)

hmmm... cute daw toh... totoo ba??? ;-)


wala lang... hehe


pacute lang... =D

im back with my pics from fontana...

oks ba?


wala lang... hehehe...


may sinisilip lang... =)


parang bahay ko villa namen noh... hihihi...


cute daw... sabi ko.. hehe

one of may most favorite songs...

"If You're Not The One"

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through

And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

the past two days...

hmmm... it's been two days already since i had my last post... i mean.. ung matino... hehe... my week's off was fun cuz of course i was with my friends and my S.O... ;) last wednesday, lumabas ako with jason isa kong friend and we just ate lunch at shang plaza together... wala lang kwentuhan lang... kamustahan... lakad at hanap ng sale or mura n sneakers... kaso, wala naman mura... kahit sale... tska wala din maganda so wla ako nabili.. sabi ko sa kanya eh sa glorietta nalang ako magtitingin kase punta din ako dun from shang...

so after we hanged out, naghiwalay na kame sa mrt station and i went to glorietta na... sm pa lang start na gumana mata ko sa mga sale(kunsakali meron)... at swerte, meron nga... hehe... pero sabi ko sa sarili ko e babalikan ku nalang kase hihintayin ko na lang kasama ko... sa glorietta, i started lookin for a nice and inexpensive pairs of sneakers already and eyed some good ones... ok din ung price... tapos dumating na "sya" and we ate na muna kase di pa sya kumakain ng lunch nya... wawa nga eh... straight kase klase nya from 7am-3pm... tapos lab pa kaya mga pusa hawak nya buong araw at dinisect pa... yikes... di ku maisip kung ako yun... kaya di ako nagtake ng kahit anong course related to medicine... hehehe... after wea ate out at chef de angelo's e niraid na namin mga shoe stores kase luckily, last day ng "independence day sale" nila... kaya swerte talaga... pero yun ang akala ko... hehehe... kase i was about to buy a pair na just to know at the end na ung gustu namin pareho for me e wala ng available na size... ='( kainis... excited pa naman ako kase di talaga ako mahilig bumili ng gamit for myself... sobrang once in a blue moon.. umaasa lang ako sa papadala ng mga kapatid ko saken... hehehe... or sa papasambot ng pinsan ko galing "sa abroad...(sabi nga ni chona mae*)"... hehehe... going back... ayun... so ang ending, wala ako nabili at sabi "nya" e ipunin ko nalang daw ung pambili ko ng sapatos at next payday nalang ako bumili, ung mas ok na pair na pareho din namen gustu, kaso lang e mejo mahal... hehehe... tapos sa gitna nga pala ng paghahanap namin ng sapatos e bumili na din kame ng muvi tickets for batman begins... hmm... speaking of batman... ok naman sha... di kase nakatulog kasama ko sa sinehan e kahit pahikab hikab sya kase nga pagod from school... naenjoy namin ung muvi... kakatuwa boses ni christian bale pag naka batsuit sya... parang yung sa animated batman series... if u were watchin the series before kasunod ng xmen sa dos... hehehe... after e hinatid ko na "ang kasama" ko at mejo nabadtrip pako sa cab driver namin kase "napakagulanG..." kung di lang ako pinigilan e mamumura ko talga yun... anyway... to wrap it up, masaya ako... not because of what happened... because kasama ko sya... hahaha....

sumunod na araw... dapat e di ako lalabas sa buong araw pero nag-aya friend ko sa rob... andun isa pa namin "kapatid" na si jeff... hehehe... ok na din kase punta din naman ako supposedly sa pedro gil sa hapon kase magmimeet "kame"... tapos un nga... sinundo ko na sya sa condo nya kase may pasok pa sya ng 3pm e sa rob din ang daan nya kase sa faura ung bldg ng klase nya... tapos we just agreed to meet again after ng class nya... tapos kameng apat(kasama si kim na bro ni jeff at si zig)... todo gala na...bili din sana ako ng boxers kaso puro large nalang ung sizes nila kaya good luck nalang saken... hehehe... tapos habang naglalakas kame, tinuro "sya" ni zig saken... hehehe... nagulat naman ako kase andun na pala sya... e kasma nya bestfriend nya,,, napahiya naman ako at isang matamis na ngiti lang naibigay ko sa kanila... hihihi... tapos pagtinin ko sa cell ko nagtext pala sya telling me to look behind me... kaso too late kase nasabi na saken ng friend ko na andun sya, hehe... tapos naghiwalay na muna kame... tapos nagtext sya... sabi di man lang daw ako nag-hi... sabi ko naman nahiya ako sa friend nya...tapos un....uhhmm... tapos bumili ako ng 4 na cd-r's para sa papaburn ko na cd... tapos nakakita kame ng japanese home store na 88 lang lahat ng tinda... astig nga e... as in lahat ng tinda! tapos nakabili ako ng 3 pairs of ankle socks... oks naman sya kahit 88 lang... hehe... nagtext na "sya" saken... kung san na daw ako... sabi ko nga dun ako sa japan store... tapos maya lang... may nakahawak na sa waist ko... hihihi... sha na pala.. tapos...dinner na kame with my friends... tapos we had our first pic na magkasama... tapos starbucks na... tapos kwentuhan lang... then umalis na mga friend ko kame nalang naiwan kase till 10pm pako... tapos sabi nya... may cnabi daw bestfriend nya... yaw nya sabihin kung ano... secret daw... tapos mamaya cnabi din.. sabi daw ng bestfriend nya e sagutin na daw ako... awwww.... hehehe... sabi ko sayang, sana bestfriend nalang nya niligawan ko kase kakabreak lang daw nun sa boyfriend nya... tapos anganda pa... hehehe... pero sabi ko sa kanya... mahirap naman kase di yung bestfriend nya ang mahal ko kundi sya... hehehe... so un... i think till dito muna...

im now here in the office na pala working... huh??? working??? este creating a post pala... hehe... waiting for a call or for an alarm... ehehe... laki ng dala ko bag ngayun kase fontana kame bukas, overnyt... sykes company outing namin... ansaya!!! woooooooohooooo!!!!!!!!! fontana here i come!!!!!!! hehehehe.... see yah guys on my next post... ienjoy nyu ang nobela ko... ;-)

*guys... kung may time pa kayu at di nyu pa natatry blog ni chona mae... basahin nyu... sasakit tyan nyu kakatawa... eto site nya,,, www.chona.blogspot.com

wala lang...

first time ku lang mag-upload ng pics here... mejo natatanga pako... hehehe... i'lll post the newest ones laterrrr.... =)

wala lang ulet 

hmmm 

wala lang ulet 

wala lang... 

all falls down... (reprise)

kagabi, pagkatapos ng trabaho at around 10:10pm, nagbus ako to harrison para pumunta sa condo nya... magkikita kame para mag-usap kung anung nangyari, anu nang nangyayari at anu nang mangayayri sa min dalawa... habang nasa bus ako... i was thinkin of what would be the most important questions that i should ask... at naisip ko... the question should only go down to two things... where do we stand now or what's our status now?... and do we still feel like being with each other? sa palgay ko when the two questions were answered right, we'll know kung anu dapat namin gawin...

at yun na nga... we met... at first, we were casual as if there's not a single prob between the two of us... tinanung ku sya kung san kame and we both agreed na sa rajah sulayman, kaso, when we got there, mainit at andaming tao so we decided to go to baywalk and find a nice spot to sit and talk each other's heart out... and there... silence started and i didnt know where i'd start the whole converasation... but sumbody needed to jumpstart it all... so nagsalita nako... i asked kung anu problema... sabi nya... di nya alam.... nalilito pa din sya... naguguluhan... natatakot... marami syang problema aside from the two of us... realizations and learnings from the past na ngayun nya lang napapagtuunan ng pansin... natatakot sya na masaktan ako kung magkamali sya ng decision... wala kameng point na mag-meet because our minds were clashing... actually, di kame pareho isip ginagamit... that's the reason why di kame magmeet.. i was using my heart while sya, ginagamit nya ang utak nya... nagclaclash ang mga ideas namin... sabi nya saken, di ku daw sya naiintindihan sa mga paliwanag nya kase mejo magulo talaga utak nya... sabi ku naman, naiintindihan ku sya at kunsakali na di ku na sya maintindihan at di ku na sya kayang intindihn pa sya, kahit anung mangyari, pilit ku pa din sya iintindihin dahil mahal ku sya...

kilala na nya kase ako... the first time pa lang kame magkakilala... hinubad ko ang buo kong pagkatao sa kanya... once kase na magaan ang loob ko sa isang tao, wala akong nakikitang reason para maging pretensious pa... i will speak my heart out kumbaga... kaya alam nya kung anung stand point ko... na i will only speak of what i feel for today... i'd like everything to happen spontaneously... ayoko na yung mga mangyayari bukas e pinlano mo na and then get frustrated or depressed kung di sya magmaterialize... i dont wanna see or try to anticipate what will happen tomorrow... pero who would not like his future to be on his side... di ba? kaya nga from the very start, i've never been a planner... though that doesnt mean na nagpapadala lang ako sa daloy... naniniwala din kase ako na what youre doin today gives a big impact to what might happen tomorrow... which simply means that your future will reflect on what you've done on your past... basta... initindihin nyu nalang.. hehe...

isa pa, problema nya din, di sya sigurado saken... but i can feel the past weeks we've been together na it's not just me who's happy... masaya din sya at nararamdaman ko yun... kaya tinanong ko sya... kung masaya ba sya nung magkasama kame? or kung napilitan ba sya sa lahat ng bagay na ginawa nya for me the times na magksama kame... kase sabi ko, at that moment, nafeel ko naman na masaya sya.. pero kahapon na nagkakaron sya ng duda sa feeligns nya, sabi ko, di ko ata masasabi just in case tanungin ako kung naging masaya sya kase my doubts na sya... and i asked kung kahit konti ay gustu nya ako... kase sabi ko, kung wala sya ng katiting na nararamdaman saken na special e e i'll let go kase di ko talaga ugaling mamimilit ng taong may ayaw saken... if it would happen the other way around, i myself, ayaw ko ng pinipilit... sabi nya di nya alam, sabi ko sya lang makaksagot nun... mejo magulo... ewan ko ba...

and ok.. continuing my story... t'was a little past 12mn na and we were not yet reaching to a mutual decision... usapan kase namin e till 12mn kase may class sya ng 7am that day... so nagstart na kame maglakad towards sulayman and we took the way na dinaanan namin when we first met... i tried explaining still kung anu sya para saken... without putting any pressure... sabi ko sa kanya... that's the last thing i wanna do.. yung ipressure sya... kase the point na minamahal ko sya eh masaya nako... kung mahalin nya ako... bonus na saken yun... pero sabi ko sa kanya, sana e wag nya akong iwan... and baka pwede na itry namin na "maglakad" lang.. sabi nga sa kanta... try and see where the road will lead us to... malay namin... pano makikita ang isang place na di mu pa napupuntahan... i said na kung di maganda yung place na yun, well at least we tried. we'll never know what will happen between the two of us tomorrow if we'll never try to be together today... sabi ko nga sa kanya... both options e masasakatan kame.. kase first option, give up what we have now.. masasaktan ako kase sobrang mahal ko sya, pero para sa kanya it would be better rather than saktan nya ako in the future... or try it now at kung di magwork e masaktan kame pareho... but the point is... if we give it up now, the thought will forever haunt us what if we tried it out and it worked out for the both of us... mas doble ang sakit di ba? so why not take the risk di ba? andami ko ng nabibigay na analogy... at andami pa sa utak ko... hehehe... i think i can better explain things kung ginagamitan ko ng basic analogy...

anyway... going back to my story... we've taken the same way we took the first time we met... buti nalang dun kame dumaan... kase mukhang bumalik yung dating sya na nakilala ko... and pumayag na sya na ituloy namin where we left off... sabi nya di saw sya napipilitan.. =) kaya sobrang saya ko... binalik ko ng eyeglasses nya pagdating sa harap ng condo nya... and i was joking.. sabi ko sa kanya, kaya ata nagulo utak nya e dahil sa salamin nya... naiwan nya kase saken nung saturday... hehehe...

haay... just a realization... all that's happening to us now... all falls back to only one thing... it's just what we feel now for each other... yun lang ang mahalaga... sabi ko nga sa kanya... kahit di sya mahilig sa starwars, gustu ko ishare ung principle ng mga jedi which is really applicable in real life...

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to...”

till my next article... sobrang haba na nito eh, di pa kumpleto... but pretty much the important details eh andito na... =)

eto...kanta ko nga din pala sa kanya...

You are my song

You are the song playing so softly in my heart
I reach for you, you seem so near yet so far
I hope and I pray you'll be with me someday
I know down inside you are mine and I'm your true love
Or am I dreaming?

Chorus
How can I each time I try you say goodbye
You are there you look my way I touch the sky
We can share tomorrow and forever more
I'll be there to love you so
You are my song

I know for sure that we were meant to fall in love
I look in your eyes I know what you're thinkin of
I try not to say, the words might just scare you away
I know down inside you are mine
And I'm your true love, please no more dreaming

Chorus

Baby we can make it till forever
And i know that we can make it through
With you in my heart, in my soul,
you're my love, you're my song

You are my song...

hope you'd read this...

I can wait forever

When you say, I miss the things you do,
I just wanna get back close again to you.
But for now, your voice is near enough,
How I miss you, when I miss you, love.
And though,
All the days that pass me by so slow
All the emptiness inside me flows, all around,
And there's no way out
I'm just thinkin' so much of you,
There was never any doubt...

CHORUS
I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there,
tooI can wait forever, if you will,
I know it's worth it all
To spend my life alone with you.

When it looked, as though my life was wrong,
You took my love and gave it somewhere to belong
I'll be here, when hope is out of sight,
I just wish that I was next to you tonight, and oh
I'll be reachin' for you even though,
You'll be somewhere else, my love will go
like a bird, on it's way back home
I could never let you go, and I just want you to know...

CHORUS

Where are you know?
Alone, with the thoughts we share
Keep them strong somehow,
And you know, I'll always be there...

I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there, too
I can wait, forever if you will, I know it's worth it all
To spend my life alone...
I can wait forever, if you say you'll be there, too,
I can wait, forever if you will, I can wait forever or more...I can wait forever...

haaaay.....

Haay… grabe… di ko alam kung bakit nagkaganito nako… sobra kase ako magmahal… as in yun tipong wala ng natitira sa sarili ko.. at kahit konting posibilidad, di ku binibigyan an ang isang bagay kahit sobrang linis sapaningin natin eh maaring may konting di maganda pa rin… pag kase nagmahal ako, puro positive lang nasa isip ko… at pag may nangyaring di maganda… madedepress naman ako… kagaya ngayun… pinipilit ko pasyahin sarili ko at isipin na wala naman problema… pero alam ko at nararamdaman ko na meron… ang ganda ng takbo ng buhay ko ulet for almost the past two weeks… pero bakit parang nagbago ihip ng hangin… natatakot ako… sobra… na maiwan na naman ako mag-iisa… pinakamsakit para sakin ang maiwan na mag-isa… alam ko nanjan mga kaibigan ko para sumuporta pero iba pa din yung may inspirasyon ka… yung iniisp mo para ganahan ka sa mga ginagawa mo… puchang buhay nga lang toh… grabe magbiro… napakasakit… pag seryoso ka, makikipaglokohan sayu… pag nakikipaglokohan ka naman, gustu ka maging seryoso… isa ko pang kinatatakutan, pag may di magandang nangyari samin ngayun… di ku alam kung anu mangayayri saken… baka matakot na uli ako magseryoso sa relationship… ang hirap pag nahulog ka sa isang tao… at malalaglag ka nalang ng di mo alam… sa sobrang taas ng naabot mo… di mo man lang naisip na baka walang sumabot sayu… sabi nga sa kanta di ba…” now im fallin, fallin fast again…y do I always take a fall, when I fall in love…” kelan kaya ako matututo??? Eto ako ngayun… nagdadrama na naman… habang gustu mapag-isa ng mahal ko… gustu ku naman ng karamay dahil natatakot akong mag-isa… pero ang problema… wala mga kabigan ko ngayon… timing na timing… at yun na nga,… depressed na naman ako… kakatakot… baka mabaliw nako netoh… pero kunsabagay… baliw na nga pala ako sa kanya… hehehe… oo… at di ko alam kung bakit… tulungan nyo ako please… ayaw ko mapagod magmahal… pero pag may di mangyaring maganda… mukhang mahihirapan na ako ulet magseryoso… but still… … im still keeping my fingers crossed… kase nga mahal ko sya… mali pala… mahal na mahal… haaay…

Your Deadly Sins

Greed: 40%

Lust: 40%

Pride: 40%

Sloth: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Envy: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 29%

You will die love and feared by many. And you'll be buried in a tomb.

How Sinful Are You?

i like this song, mejo matagal na din... but i like it better now... nakakrelate ako... =)

You and Me - Lifehouse

What day is it? And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with

nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming

out right

I'm tripping on words

You got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with

nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now

That I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people

with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

and me and all of the people

with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?

And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

di ku alam kung bakit...

ewan ko... pero every single day, kasma ko sya o hinde, mas nag-grogrow ung feelings ko para sa kanya... yung feeling ko ngayn, parang yung feeling ko nung una akong nainluv... corny... kinakabahan... natatameme... ung tipong gagawin mu lahat kahit palagay mu e di mo kaya kase mahal mu yng tao... di ku alam bakit... kala ng mga kaibigan ko, baka bumalik na naman ako sa pagiging gago ko dahil sa nangyaring di maganda saken... pero sa pagkakataon na nakilala ko sya at ngayun na kinikilala pa namin ang isa't isa, mukhang mas malaki ipagbabago ko kase handa ako paka "straight" para sa kanya... at pag kasma ko sya... private man o public place... handa ata akong gawin lahat... at wala akong pakialam kung anu sasabihin ng mga tao sa paligid... di ku alam kung bakit... pero palagay ko... pag mahal mo isang tao... yun lang reason enuf na... ;)