Wednesday, June 29, 2005

looking back...

hmmm... ilang araw na din since my last entry about my "career" life.. hehe... i should say na naging shaky na naman ung "kung anong relationship" meron kame... grabe... i only have my feelings for the person to hold on to... kung di ganun kalaki yun... i would have given up already... sobrang laking challenge lahat to for me ngayun... as in... di ku nga alan kung bakit ganito kalaki pagmamahal ko sa kanya... but the truth is im not searching for any reason kase nga mahal ko tlaga sya and i've always believed that you don't love a person for a reason... and i've watched a series on the tv one time... and i think i've also read it in an article that you know it's "love" when you ask try to ask yourself why and cant give a single reason... reasoning and emotions are like oil and water... they dont mix... =) you dont have to be rational when you;re in love... anyways... goin back to my story... un na nga... mejo malungkot ang mga pangyayari starting saturday... i partied last saturday with my friends but i'd say i really never enjoyed it... not beacause i didnt have fun having my friends around but ony cuz ... we're not ok... haaay...nagtext pa sya na pakasaya ako at sana makakita nako ng iba para wala na syang problema... i was on the verge of letting go then... not because i would have given up but because parang sobrang nahihirapan na sya na nasa tabi nya ako... na andito ako... sobrang sakit nun for me...ut i just let it pass... hinayaan ko na muna... kinabukasan... nag-usap kame nung umaga kase nagtext sya na tawagan ko sya... mejo di pa din kame ok... ewan ko ba... dont know why i always have the tendency na ilagay ang sarili ko sa situation na sobrang nasasaktan nako but i still seem to get up and fight for what i think is right... hay... un bang parang pinaglalaban ko lang ung nararamdaman ko not because that's all i feel but because i think the other person involved also has that feelings for me... kaso lang, masyado syang confused... in the first place, i wouldn't have gone this long kung alam ku naman na walang mangyayari talaga... although im not saying na may mangyayari for sure... what i mean there's a possibility... ayun.. nagkaron na naman kame ng di magandang conversation... and then i kept quiet for several hours after the misunderstanding... kala ko e hanggang dun nalang kame... pero nagtext sya saying namimiss nya ako... and that makes my situation more confusing... para kang nasa isang daan na nagsasanga and you don't know where to go or what road to choose from... so the tendency is just to follow your instincts and what your heart tells you to... for me obviously, it's my heart's choice first... hehe... syempre clouded na yung instinct... and yun... sabi nga namimis nya ako and parang gustu daw nya ung ganun na feeling... tapos nung gabi nagtext sya na matutulog na sya... mejo maaga pa yun... nakauwi ata ako sa bahay non eh 11 na at gising pa sya... sabi nya di daw sya makatulog... namimiss daw talaga nya ako... ewan ko ba... in my heart i am so happy... but in my mind... im really confused... the day after... kahapon un... last text nya saken eh eto...

"Haha...natawa naman ako dun. Mas lalo kitang namiss. Im luvin the feeling. =)"

tapos reply ko sa kanya... masaya ako to know that... pero what if sa sobrang miss nya saken, masanay na sya na di na kame magkasama... haaay... ang reply nya,,

"Haha. Syempre impocble yun. Pero masarap talaga ung feeling.=)"

Ang masasabi ko lang... mahal ko sya... and this friday... one month na kame na exclucive dating ang status... hehe... o di ba? never thought i can do that... most of the relationships if not all of 'em started abruptly... dunno if this one is good or bad... sa palagay mo???

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