Wednesday, June 15, 2005

all falls down... (reprise)

kagabi, pagkatapos ng trabaho at around 10:10pm, nagbus ako to harrison para pumunta sa condo nya... magkikita kame para mag-usap kung anung nangyari, anu nang nangyayari at anu nang mangayayri sa min dalawa... habang nasa bus ako... i was thinkin of what would be the most important questions that i should ask... at naisip ko... the question should only go down to two things... where do we stand now or what's our status now?... and do we still feel like being with each other? sa palgay ko when the two questions were answered right, we'll know kung anu dapat namin gawin...

at yun na nga... we met... at first, we were casual as if there's not a single prob between the two of us... tinanung ku sya kung san kame and we both agreed na sa rajah sulayman, kaso, when we got there, mainit at andaming tao so we decided to go to baywalk and find a nice spot to sit and talk each other's heart out... and there... silence started and i didnt know where i'd start the whole converasation... but sumbody needed to jumpstart it all... so nagsalita nako... i asked kung anu problema... sabi nya... di nya alam.... nalilito pa din sya... naguguluhan... natatakot... marami syang problema aside from the two of us... realizations and learnings from the past na ngayun nya lang napapagtuunan ng pansin... natatakot sya na masaktan ako kung magkamali sya ng decision... wala kameng point na mag-meet because our minds were clashing... actually, di kame pareho isip ginagamit... that's the reason why di kame magmeet.. i was using my heart while sya, ginagamit nya ang utak nya... nagclaclash ang mga ideas namin... sabi nya saken, di ku daw sya naiintindihan sa mga paliwanag nya kase mejo magulo talaga utak nya... sabi ku naman, naiintindihan ku sya at kunsakali na di ku na sya maintindihan at di ku na sya kayang intindihn pa sya, kahit anung mangyari, pilit ku pa din sya iintindihin dahil mahal ku sya...

kilala na nya kase ako... the first time pa lang kame magkakilala... hinubad ko ang buo kong pagkatao sa kanya... once kase na magaan ang loob ko sa isang tao, wala akong nakikitang reason para maging pretensious pa... i will speak my heart out kumbaga... kaya alam nya kung anung stand point ko... na i will only speak of what i feel for today... i'd like everything to happen spontaneously... ayoko na yung mga mangyayari bukas e pinlano mo na and then get frustrated or depressed kung di sya magmaterialize... i dont wanna see or try to anticipate what will happen tomorrow... pero who would not like his future to be on his side... di ba? kaya nga from the very start, i've never been a planner... though that doesnt mean na nagpapadala lang ako sa daloy... naniniwala din kase ako na what youre doin today gives a big impact to what might happen tomorrow... which simply means that your future will reflect on what you've done on your past... basta... initindihin nyu nalang.. hehe...

isa pa, problema nya din, di sya sigurado saken... but i can feel the past weeks we've been together na it's not just me who's happy... masaya din sya at nararamdaman ko yun... kaya tinanong ko sya... kung masaya ba sya nung magkasama kame? or kung napilitan ba sya sa lahat ng bagay na ginawa nya for me the times na magksama kame... kase sabi ko, at that moment, nafeel ko naman na masaya sya.. pero kahapon na nagkakaron sya ng duda sa feeligns nya, sabi ko, di ko ata masasabi just in case tanungin ako kung naging masaya sya kase my doubts na sya... and i asked kung kahit konti ay gustu nya ako... kase sabi ko, kung wala sya ng katiting na nararamdaman saken na special e e i'll let go kase di ko talaga ugaling mamimilit ng taong may ayaw saken... if it would happen the other way around, i myself, ayaw ko ng pinipilit... sabi nya di nya alam, sabi ko sya lang makaksagot nun... mejo magulo... ewan ko ba...

and ok.. continuing my story... t'was a little past 12mn na and we were not yet reaching to a mutual decision... usapan kase namin e till 12mn kase may class sya ng 7am that day... so nagstart na kame maglakad towards sulayman and we took the way na dinaanan namin when we first met... i tried explaining still kung anu sya para saken... without putting any pressure... sabi ko sa kanya... that's the last thing i wanna do.. yung ipressure sya... kase the point na minamahal ko sya eh masaya nako... kung mahalin nya ako... bonus na saken yun... pero sabi ko sa kanya, sana e wag nya akong iwan... and baka pwede na itry namin na "maglakad" lang.. sabi nga sa kanta... try and see where the road will lead us to... malay namin... pano makikita ang isang place na di mu pa napupuntahan... i said na kung di maganda yung place na yun, well at least we tried. we'll never know what will happen between the two of us tomorrow if we'll never try to be together today... sabi ko nga sa kanya... both options e masasakatan kame.. kase first option, give up what we have now.. masasaktan ako kase sobrang mahal ko sya, pero para sa kanya it would be better rather than saktan nya ako in the future... or try it now at kung di magwork e masaktan kame pareho... but the point is... if we give it up now, the thought will forever haunt us what if we tried it out and it worked out for the both of us... mas doble ang sakit di ba? so why not take the risk di ba? andami ko ng nabibigay na analogy... at andami pa sa utak ko... hehehe... i think i can better explain things kung ginagamitan ko ng basic analogy...

anyway... going back to my story... we've taken the same way we took the first time we met... buti nalang dun kame dumaan... kase mukhang bumalik yung dating sya na nakilala ko... and pumayag na sya na ituloy namin where we left off... sabi nya di saw sya napipilitan.. =) kaya sobrang saya ko... binalik ko ng eyeglasses nya pagdating sa harap ng condo nya... and i was joking.. sabi ko sa kanya, kaya ata nagulo utak nya e dahil sa salamin nya... naiwan nya kase saken nung saturday... hehehe...

haay... just a realization... all that's happening to us now... all falls back to only one thing... it's just what we feel now for each other... yun lang ang mahalaga... sabi ko nga sa kanya... kahit di sya mahilig sa starwars, gustu ko ishare ung principle ng mga jedi which is really applicable in real life...

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to...”

till my next article... sobrang haba na nito eh, di pa kumpleto... but pretty much the important details eh andito na... =)

1 Comments:

Blogger confused and dazed said...

Hey!:) I'm happy for you that this actually happened!:) At least di kayo nawawalan ng pag-asa with each other :)

5:24 PM  

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